


Doesn't Mean I Wanted To

by icandrawamoth



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drinking, First Meetings, Guilt, I'm really the first person on AO3 to ever mention Tivik??, M/M, Memories, Mercy Killing, POV Cassian Andor, Relationship(s), this fic totally fails at 'show don't tell'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 05:56:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9534728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icandrawamoth/pseuds/icandrawamoth
Summary: Just because I let you go, doesn't mean I wanted to.Cassian and Tivik had a relationship before their fateful meeting on the Ring of Kafrene.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Because I like to hurt my own feelings, one day I realized, "You know what would make the Tivik scene even more painful? If he and Cassian were sort of a thing before it happened." Thus, this. Enjoy?
> 
> Also, the bits of a dialogue are directly from the film/novel.

“Are you crazy?” Tivik demands over the sound of approaching stormtroopers. “I'll never climb out of here! My arm-”

“Calm down.” Cassian shoots a last, desperate glance around the alley and realizes he only has one choice. He steps up behind Tivik and pulls him close, careful not to jostle his wounded arm. “Calm down.” He raises his blaster to the helpless man's back-

 

_And remembers._

_The first time they met, years ago, a new intelligence agent unknown to the skittish informant. But it hadn't taken them long to settle. Cassian had gotten the information Draven had sent him after, and Tivik had been assured. Had even called him friend eventually._

_They drank together in a public cantina, to alleviate the suspicion that might come from someone spotting a more covert rendezvous. Cassian tries to utilize his training to make it look natural, a conversation with an old friend – and finds he doesn't need it. Finds this informant is surprisingly easy to talk to._

_They discuss in low voices the state of the Empire and the Rebellion. Tivik tells him how he came to be an informant, and Cassian answers with as much as he can share of his own background. They order more drinks._

_By the time it's safe to leave, they're both pleasantly buzzed (and Cassian inwardly berates himself for that, because he's on a mission, but it had been so easy...) Tivik gives him a funny look, and Cassian is about to ask what's wrong, alarm quickly growing in the spy's gut, when the informant says simply, “Come back to my room?”_

_Cassian is surprised by the offer but finds he doesn't want to refuse it. He knows it's a bad idea – he shouldn't be staying in one place now that he has the information, he shouldn't be staying with Tivik and putting him in more danger than necessary – but he wants to. Even within the rebel colleagues he sees everyday, he rarely makes a real connection, and what can it hurt? His shuttle off this rock doesn't leave for a few hours, and it's as good a way as any to pass the time._

_He smiles, nods silently, and follows the other man out._

_It becomes a habit. It can't be a real relationship – they don't see each other nearly often enough, and both of their positions are too precarious to risk routine contact – but it works. Tivik is a reliable informant and active, so Cassian does see him from time to time, though not as often as he'd like._

_The meetings tend to follow the same pattern as that first one: a public meeting and exchange of information, then the two of them retiring to the quarters one of them has procured for as much time as they can snatch together._

_It's easy and comfortable and good. Cassian feels like he can talk to Tivik, even if he knows Draven's reaction if he were to find out would be explosive. He doesn't give him privy information about the Rebellion or it's operation, only what's necessary for their work together, but he can talk about himself and his personal experiences. It's nice to have someone to talk to._

_Then one day Tivik's contact in Rebel Intelligence receives a frantic call, and Cassian is dispatched to the Ring of Kafrene..._

 

“We'll be all right,” Cassian murmurs against Tivik's neck and is glad when his voice doesn't betray him. Being a spy has made him a good actor. Still, his hand trembles, just slightly, as he points the blaster. He knows just where to aim for an instant and painless kill. He doesn't hesitate.

Even amongst the chaos of the largest trading post in the Mid Rim, the blast seems unimaginably loud. Though not as loud as the sound of Tivik's body toppling to the floor.

Cassian stares at it for long moments, feeling ill. Time seems to slow as judges himself for what he's done even as he knows it was the better choice for both of them. Hands shaking, he forces himself to turn and grab his bag, and then he's scaling the wall, leaving Tivik's body and everything it represents behind.

**Author's Note:**

> ~~I don't know if that bit about the Ring of Kafrene being the largest trading post in the Mid Rim is true, but shoutout to the rad[TeePublic shirt](https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/973537-kafrene-trading-post?store_id=86254) that says as much.~~


End file.
